I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
NoShamevember. You game?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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