Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
