if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
