let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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