I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
