Can Purell be used as lube?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
