Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
