To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
