Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
