she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i out mim tonsoeep
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