I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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