so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
