I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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