Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize