Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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