The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
