well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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