Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
