Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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