that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do herpes really smell.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize