All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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