Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
