Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
