I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
