Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
