i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
