I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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