And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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