Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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