Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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