Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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