I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
