I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize