I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
