the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
