We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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