I just pynch a tree in the face
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
