hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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