The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize