I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize