I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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