I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
