i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Floor bacon is actually really good
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
