That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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