He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize