i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
