And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
