College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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