he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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