I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
