I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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