shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
