I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
