The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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