I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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