im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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