pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
