I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
