For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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