well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
