hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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