if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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