so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
