even my farts smell like vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
