she smelled like a LAN party
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize