Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
