Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
