I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
