Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
