I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
