I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
