I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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