She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
